Ramble LVI

For a lot of different reasons I’ve feel like there’s a void in my life right now. I don’t really know why but I find myself restless and frustrated at least a couple of times each day. I know some things I’ve been pondering about are weighing me down a little but I don’t know really, it feels like I’m in an imbalance of sort.

To begin with I’ve barely eaten the past few days, which is very strange for me. My hunger often is hard to suppress and is annoyingly gnawing at me most all day but the past days I’ve been mostly feeling… something strange which can be described as not hungry but slightly nauseated but also not. It’s hard to describe since I can’t put my finger on it. I wonder if this is a stress symptom or if it’s some kind of aftermath shock of my Japan-trip which is, like the last time, starting to fade into a dreamlike status.

I really dislike that feeling when it comes to things like that. How they seem to after just a short while be of a questionable nature when I can’t reach my feelings in the memories but only have the memories to go on. It’s like having someone else’s memories when looking back and not looking at it from my own perspective. Well, well…

Lately I’ve been trying to play about three times a day with my cats since they seem to be very under stimulated. I can think that they somehow are in a small shock after the change of caretaker again. I know that the past few weeks have been hard to both of them and especially Lillen since I’ve wanted to kill her on and off. Now though they’ve learned most of what they can and can’t do but as a result they need to be pushed to do stuff. Unless I’m not home that is or having a session. When playing RPG it seems that Junior goes weird and Lillen tries to do bad stuff.

One question though, is there something in Nianze you think is completely unnecessary or obsolete that I should remove? Now I mean from the rule perspective. Just want your opinion on that matter since I might be doing some cut-backs on the rule-system.

Speaking of Nianze and RPG, The Eye session on Sunday’s will be renamed to “Game Testing” instead to make it more accurate. It won’t in any way be actually tied to The Eye anymore but for sessions where things are tested, explained or played. I might still do things in The Eye and from a perspective from there. But basically it will be beta testing of Nianze and scenarios where I can play with different game styles and ideas.

Well, that’s about it for today. I think I shall force myself to eat now. I just had a strange sensation… it might have been a draft but it felt like there were suddenly fluids flowing out of my ear. I know that sensation from when my mother pierced my eardrum when I was little and ulcer and blood was flowing from my ear on and off. But since nothing comes out I guess it must have been a draft or just my mind playing strange tricks on me.

Best Regards,
Herid Fel