Moving and Names

My mother is moving from Luleå I’m sure you’ve all have heard by now. I just want to remind everyone how I much I dislike moving and how I… not get along well with my mother…

The only reason that I even helped out today was because of Per, her brother who just recently have had a heart infraction like I’ve told you before. He and grandpa were to help carry things and drive them to Kusmark to store things she won’t take to Stockholm with her. It wasn’t much but quite heavy stuff so I agreed to help out to ease it for him.

Well, mother had called in two friends of hers too – the grandparents to the kids in Umeå – and they were there when I arrived and chattered. One of them, named Urban, have always been kind of “geeky” in his 60’s kind of sense. Talking about technology and pretending he understands the new things of today. He’s beginning to grow old too and is becoming giddy-brained or whatever to call it.

So when I arrived they were just preparing to eat and he was going on and on about something he needed help with. I answered my speculations and so on. And then later he came and bugged me about the same thing, only this time he had obviously already tried what I had suggested. Well, whatever, that was only amusing how he seems a little bit off.

My sister arrived shortly thereafter and I heard for the first time that she has changed her name. Her first name from Maria to Evelin. Well, I know that she’s been calling herself for Evelin to people she’s met during her travels and is using that name quite frequently on the internet but I didn’t know she were about changing her first name to that. I think that no matter how hard I’ll try I will still think of her as Maria, but we’ll see.

Well, moving is annoying, especially with my mother. She’s intolerant thinks that what she thinks is right. Well, I can stand that since ignoring her and just be silent works but what I can’t stand is when she gets angry and starts yelling and thinks she has some kind of authority over me and thinks that I must do as she says. There she’s gravely mistaken. If she does something I don’t like she can soon find herself holding a shelf all by herself. I have no tolerance or any intention to let her dominate me ever again. She should be happy that I’m even speaking with her after all those things she has done to me over the years. If I wouldn’t appreciate what I’ve gained by the things I’ve been through and learned due to her idiotic ways I would most likely abandon her.

One interesting thing me and my sister have been discussing and a theory I’ve come upon lately, is our lack of feelings towards our parents. Sure there is love somewhere deep inside but that love is mostly a love that has grown forth from all those years and memories in the way our lives have been cantered around them. But that love is not strong nor is it enough to bind me to them. What we’ve discussed though is why it is like that, even though we actually have reasons to be closer to them. It might be some psychological detachment that has grown forth because of our adoptive background. There are the things I’ve been reading about sometimes; adopted children often have feelings like that and grow away from their foster parents and become more independent than usual. It’s seldom a good thing according to most things I’ve read. People like that become sociopaths or just awkward in society in some form of autism or the like. It can create several social personality disorders which aren’t that farfetched I think, even though it’s mostly a theory of mine.

Well, well… after this weekend mother will be a thousand kilometres away from here and the only time I’ll hear from her is when she calls or bug me on MSN. But it will be a great relief with her outside the city not to mention what a great opportunity it gives me to plead for more money from the state since my “support” and “fallback” is half gone from the city. Yes, indeed… only see opportunity in people, hehe. Good thing that there are a selected few I actually not see as means to an end.

Best Regards,
Herid Fel