Project 3 – Beginnings – Part Three
“Okay, hit me once more but this time do not try to force me down but strike me down instead. Remember; one swift motion and not a falling rock,” said the Combat Mage as he cast the protective Blue Shields around them. He gritted his teeth, he wanted swift eh? He would get swift! He would get something so swift he would never even see it!
With an explosive power and a sudden speed he stepped forward leaning slightly away from the Combat Mage that thrusted his staff where his chest should have been. He then slammed his chest against the tip of the staff as he swung his right hand in a wide crock aiming for the Combat Mage’s head. In midair he channelled, making his veins visible and green magical steam rising from his pores, and used the magic to harden his fist into a solid rock.
The Combat Mage’s eyes were wide in shock and he could see sudden panic in them as he tried desperately to push him back so he would miss with his staff. With a snap the staff broke and shattered and at the same time he hit the Combat Mage’s left temple with a loud bang which sent him flying through the air, out of the ring and rolling on the grass until he finally stopped due to some bushes.
He stood there with both feet deep in the hard packed sand of the training grounds and with his right stone arm resting on the ground in front of him, looking after the Combat Mage. The magical steam was red now instead of it’s usual green but he stopped channelling and started to move towards the Combat Mage to check if he was fine. When he reached him, the Mage had finally started to wake so he helped him stand.
“You don’t ever learn do you?” the Mage said to him with a pained grimace. The blue protective glow of the Blue Shield was gone from him and a trickle of blood made its way down over his temple where he had hit him. Already a bruise had started to appear there. He smiled towards his friend.
“What is there to learn? You are a Combat Mage of the fifth level and I can beat you with only one hit every time, no matter which weapon you wield against me. I’ve beaten you with magic and without magic in all combat simulations, so why do you insist I need to learn anything?” he said with a grin. His friend looked at him and sighed.
“You are too foolhardy, it’s easy to predict your movement and actions. If I were to wield a weapon that would kill you at touch you would die. You can’t expect that only grounding your enemy will be enough if they always get one free hit on you, my elven friend,” he replied with the lecturing tone of an instructor.
“Well, if they have weapons like that I’ll just use protective spells like Barkskin or Stoneskin or maybe call the winds to my aid,” the elf said waving his finger in the air as demonstration. His friend rolled his eyes and just kept walking with him of the training grounds into the Magical Academy.
“You rely too much on your power, and then I mean your strange magical power too. What kind of elf are you? An orc?” he said in a complaining tone as he rolled his eyes. The elf laughed at his friend.
“You know as well as me that the Cousins are even more intelligent and careful than we are?” he said with a light tone and smiled. His friend smacked his lips and turned towards him, making them both stop in one of the high hallways next to a garden.
“You know just what I mean! You are advancing far too fast and soon you will meet adversaries and monsters beyond your power. And if you are foolhardy and reckless then they will kill you. Don’t think that a dragon or a Shadow Hound would take much care about your tricks or be amazed of your power. What you have is a gift not a free pass just to flaunt to advance!” the Combat Mage said angrily. The elf looked at him silently, he seldom grew angry his friend. Anger interfered with his duties he said, so he kept his feelings leashed tightly. But obviously he was concerned for him so he shouldn’t make light of this. He smoothed his face and looked his friend in the eyes.
“I understand. I will try to improve my battle tactics, I promise,” he said in a serious tone. Then he added, “Thank you for caring, I doubt that the Commission cares much for my well being when I perform my duties.”
His friend stared at him then turned away quickly continuing to walk, he didn’t like it when people pointed out his feelings and concern for others. He saw that as a weakness, but the elf thought otherwise. It was a sign of great strength. In the Elven community there was nothing more sacred than love in any form. He smiled at his friend, he was human, he did understand friendship but he was shy. Humans tended to be that way.
As he parted with his friend in the Great Hall he suddenly felt a probing of his mind, requesting access. He understood what it was and went to the closest teleportation circle immediately. There were two guards on duty outside the circular alcove that stopped him.
“Let me pass! I have urgent business and need to reach my room immediately,” he urged as he reached inside his rope and pulled out the azurite sphere with the purple and pink lines that shone almost white in the middle. He turned the sphere and showed them the triangle with a vertical line crossed by a horizontal line a third from the bottom. The guards frowned but stepped hastily aside.
When he reached his rooms he sat down in the chair reaching out with his mind towards the probing force that still was there thinking, I’m alone now, I grant you access. And suddenly he felt another presence in his head. He couldn’t feel anything else other than a enormous presence of the telepathic link but he was sure it was several minds on the other end even though he couldn’t say why.
You are alone? One mind asked him.
Yes, I am alone, he thought reassuringly, trying to calm himself as much as possible.
You are in a protected chamber? One mind but not the same as before, he thought, asked him.
Yes, I am at my own chambers. Do you have another assignment for me? The elf asked as he sunk even deeper into his armchair looking out over his balcony.
We have, this is a high risk assignment of the highest level, you are the only one that can do this. Are you ready? Several minds asked and he could hear from their tones, or something, that this was not a request. He could not deny this assignment. He felt a chill going up his spine but ignored it.
I am ready, what do you whish of me? He thought. Then suddenly a forceful energy pushed his way into his mind. He jerked and suddenly he felt like he was only a spectator in his body. Through the telepathic connection a lot of information suddenly flowed almost drowning his own personality and memories. He felt like a twig in a stream as this continued for hours, years, no decades! Before it suddenly twinkled and stopped. He sat in his chair looking out the window with blank eyes. It was dark outside, when he had came to his room it had been light. He stood up, walked out to the balcony which was on the 58th level of the Tower of Earth. He stepped up onto the railing looking up towards the starry night.
Then he took a step
So the story continues now in magicka, this time a character which isnt discribed that much in looks but more in personality, and obviously he is special in some way aswell, since it seems some powerful people seem to have an interest in him or wants him to do something that they can not.
After reading this part it seems like it will be some sort of story between all the three big factions(agun,magun,fagun) and maybe some sort of plot that will end in an confrontation, who knows? Will be interesting to follow this story.
And this mystical symbol(triangle with a cross) appears again, so it seems this symbol is a thing maybe all factions or all people can relate to. Obviously it seems to be a very important symbol and the person that bears such a symbol seems to have alot of authority in a way. I just noticed when I re-read the symbol part that they are actually different if I read it right the second cross should be upside down(it doesnt really becomes a cross then but you know what I mean).
Now one could speculate that in the second story there werent any symbol but maybe it will appear in that story aswell if not.. then it might only be two symbols(representing Gude(first story), Sate(third story) and the triangle symbolising Vorden or something) atleast that would fit the picture of the Holy Trinity
The small insight on how elves see on friendship was a interesting info aswell although small but nontheless =)
Anyways im looking forward to more of this, got nothing to do anyway……….. .!
Your assumption about the factions is right. The first was from Agun, the second Fagun and this one is in Magun. It’s one thing they all have in common. They are all Agents of the Government. And about the plot, RAFO (Read And Find Out).
Yes I know what you mean. And yes, it’s two completely different symbols. They are symbols of great power and influence that only a few can have. If wrong people have it, they will be cursed immediately or even killed on the spot if a God of any kind would be nearby. So nobody would dare to have such symbols if they didn’t have the right to it. Or there are few but with exceptions for these very powerful and cunning Lord Ï and Celestials, most people who aren’t stupid or ignorant wouldn’t claim that a symbol like this were theirs.
Here you are right and wrong at the same time. The symbols does resemble the Holy Symbols yes, but it’s not. But then again I’ve never told any of you what the symbols looks like so that’s to be expected. The reason there wasn’t a symbol in the second story is that nobody would carry such things even if they were entitled to it. It would be to obvious and paint you as a too great a target to miss. Hehe, Fagun is tricky bastards which you’ll soon learn I hope.
Is there a particular reason you don’t wish to reveal names? Or are they supposed to never be revealed? Otherwise I think that replacing “He” in “He gritted his teeth” with the name would be an excelent place to reveal it. About the same could be done in the other beginnings too. It is not overly important to name them, but as I understand it these are the main characters, the POV characters and I can’t really see a good reason not to name them right now. In prologues it is quite common not to name characters that are not the main characters (I think). But when introducing the main POV’s it just feels forced to use “he” all the time. A few problems with this here and there in your texts. Something that could be improved upon.
Think it sounds better if you remove both “an” and “a”.
Also, maybe use “the staff” instead of “his staff”. In this way you can reduce the “him” and “he” and such. Which can sometimes make it harder to read since it is not clear who it actually refers to.
Something I remember from my education in writing more technical stuff; it is a good idea to when referring to people introduce one as male and one as female when using multiple participants, since then you can use “he” and “she” instead. But that is a bit out of the question here… But something to think about as it makes the text easier to read.
I don’t really see how this makes sense… Does he step back to catch the opponent’s staff against his chest? But you say the tip? I would like to see something more here explaining the reasoning.
Also, I think you are looking for the word crook, not crock.
In midair? You never told us about jumping or anything.
This sentence gives the impression that POV is attacking with a staff, when it is actually the Combat Mage that is defending with a staff. Move “with his staff” to an earlier place in the sentence. Currently it is a bit ambiguous.
Nothing really wrong here, but maybe a bit matter of fact. Could use something like “came to a halt sprawling in a bush”.
Red signals that the guy is defeated? Why “but” instead of “and” then? And maybe some mention what red indicates, but that may be obvious… But doesn’t hurt if done right.
Shouldn’t it be “off” here?
“You know as well as I (know) that the Cousins […]” Where “know” is shortened away, but should be there gramatically if you know what I mean… If I don’t remember wrong that is how it should be.
Might be good if you were a bit more specific, maybe say that it had been afternoon or something.
No punctuation?
This part felt longer somehow. But yes, interesting read. Please proceed now to the continuations.
A long post, with much good points which I will try to take to heart. I really like comments like this, I’ve missed them dearly since I need to improve my writing if I am to go publish it.
I wont answer all what you’ve said other than I agree to most of what you’ve written. Thanks for the useful comments on my grammar.
About names, yes, they need to be nameless. But actually only the ‘Heroes’ of the tales need to be nameless for a special reason. But I could ease my writing with naming the others in the picture. I will have this in mind in the future.
Red does not signal this, not at all. This is just your lack of knowledge about how magic works in Nianze, especially Animism.
While channeling animism your veins become more visible and some of your veins in your forehead cramp together in a mark. You also release a greenish mist which connects the animism to the threads of nature so he or she can manipulate these in the way animists do.
If this mist or steam is red it’s something different. Something special. Something unique. This marks this character as really special since something that should be impossible according to not only the laws of magic but the laws of existence in Nianze, is happening to him. He is by definition a Mysticum. Something mystical which cannot be explained.
Ah. I thought it was steam (somehow representing the shield) around the combat mage, not around the POV.
In that case, I think you should clarify that a bit in the text. First that the steam is coming from POV and something similar to the explanation in your comment. That it something that special. I got the feeling that it is something that can happen and it indicates something. Not that it is something special for him.
This would be better since as stated earlier this is also written for people not familiar with Nianze.
I just noticed that it should be “when he had come” or “when he came”. I’m not 100% sure about the second alternative though.
Good points indeed. I don’t think I will change it in this text, yet though. But when I look back to do my revisions after Project 3 is finished I will take that into consideration.
Continuations might be written tomorrow if there is time. I have so much to do tomorrow and then it’s the meeting too…
Well, it will come soon. I will try to finish it by the end of the day.