Ramble XXIX

This week is getting a little tiresome. I think that my bad sleep cycles and irregular eating might have something to do with this. Not to say that playing role-playing games every day without much rest and little more time other than to plan the next session surely has something to do it.

One effect of this is that my ideas about what to write on the blog are close to null. Right now I’m sitting and thinking; maybe I should write something on the blog. Hmm, what should I write on the blog? I don’t know, what do I feel like writing? I don’t know… something. Hmm… okay, well do it then! Hmm… I don’t know…

That sounds almost like a simple conversation with random teenager. A lot of questions but no real answers other than; I don’t know. Even ramble is hard when most of my thoughts are focusing about stuff that I can’t or won’t write on the blog. Like Shangri La, X-Files or just how to continue with my life, my plans and so on.

One thing that disturbs me is that I could just force myself to something, but that would be almost like role-playing when not having the energy for it. You can do it but it takes more than twice the energy to get the same impression and even then the feel for me would be mostly tiresome.

I must say that I’m happy that winter is finally gone. Even tough every day that passes by just have I think about how wonderful it would have been to be in Japan. Or to have some of my practical situations solved. But well, we’ll see what happens in the future; hopefully I’ll get to go there again soon. I often think about how I would do things differently this time, but still I hope that I can live with Miiko this time too since it was both cheap and nice to live there, a little bit outside the city but still in Tokyo.

Well, no use to get lost in memories or thoughts but I would be really fun to go there again. Right now I need to focus on the present I think to stabilize my current situation a little. Maybe get my plans going or maybe just fuck it all and do precisely what I want as always until it takes me to hell. One day I will find myself in a really tight spot and I will probably just laugh at myself and make the best of it. If I’ve heard right, my sister is taking the same path in life like me, only with more people and a lot of alcohol. She is a party chick after all and with charm like I don’t know what.

The important thing I think is to keep going. Make plans, but more importantly, see them through. A schedule sometimes is good, and sometimes I tend to follow a schedule but lately it has been mostly to just take it as I feel like it. Reading an awful lot and playing PS2 as well as thinking about RPG and so on. One conclusion I’ve reached is that, a week like this, actually seem to do more damage than good in the end. It takes too much out of my creativity and energy, which is important since some people don’t react to stimuli at all.

And the last thing I want to say is; it’s fucking hard to make a good case for X-files. Well, at least I get to see and play some RPG with Robert and Rasmus. Well, well…

Best regards,
Herid Fel