Friends of Old

I wonder how many ”friends” or ”buddies” I’ve forgotten over my life. I remember having some momentary friends during summer-camps and when I was with my father on the Air Field when he was flying. Kids I’ve played with once or even a couple of times. I also remember a lot of people I used to communicate with over ICQ and then later IRC and then MSN. Some of these contacts in life stick while most of them rot away to be forgotten and lost forever.

Sometimes one lost return, either by a whim or because of a fateful meeting somewhere sometime. But some we never forget no matter how brief they were, because the memories we made with them and the impression they left into ones mind is too strong.

My absolute first friend I do not remember too much of. It was a girl, a lot older than me often sitting in the corner of the yard when we were allowed out to play when I still lived at the orphanage in Brazil. I just vaguely remember her, and that she told me things not what things. I also remember a boy who I don’t think I was really friends with all the time, who I shared toys with I think. But I also remember him being one of the bad guys, and that I didn’t like him very much… well I was most likely only three or four so the memory about people then were pretty fuzzy.

Well, when I think of my friends of old now, I often refer to people whom I talked to just after my stabilization of my personality and character. Which is about 16-18, when life just was about to take a drastic turn. I made two special friends at that time through anime. Camilla “Zaphod” Larsson and Therese Andersson (and this is not Pippi, not that many who reads this blog actually know her). Over the years later I’ve made contact with various other strange fellows such as Drak, Syd and Rapu.

Sometimes though it seems like friends like that “fall” away and become lost but then they spring up again after some time just to reveal themselves and make something more and stronger out of the past relation. Zaphod though, I don’t think she’s really ever fallen away, not more than just for a couple of months or so, but that has its reasons. But Therese and Drak has been really gone from my life during some periods. Drak re-emerged after Japan though which was quite fun so all is well there now.

Therese though I lost some time before she stopped using MSN. In the end (like most contacts) you don’t find any reason to write to the other and the connection falls away. But often after a time someone brings it up again and so it goes (that’s the problem with relations over internet). Well, lately Therese and I’ve been talking again and that is really fun and makes me happy. Like earlier stated (in a post so far back that most of you have forgotten about it) you can’t expect to find one person to be a friend or anything ever close to that, so you need to put several people together to make a “body” of a friend.

Some people though become something outside this body of friends or whatever to call it, something closer, something different. Such as Camilla and Therese has become for me and Foppa and Robert. Even though nobody is the same in any way. I talked to Therese for hours yesterday and it was most fulfilling especially when we talked about old times and some things one mostly suspect but can’t really be sure about came to the surface, and in those moments when you realize how the relation has evolved, the bond between people grow stronger.

The only thing that is a little sad about this kind of thing is that you sometimes lose a person, never to retrieve them again. Well, if you try hard enough you might do it, it’s not that hard to trace people you actually knew. It might take some time though, and you need to have most of your memory intact to be able to pull it through, so the question is… is it worth it? And sometimes, it is… but if you are like me, it mostly isn’t.

Best regards,
Herid Fel