A Midnight Notice
Well, after a cup of tea and some rest with series after this evening I feel like writing something short. Which all the well could mean that this post won’t be short, which is the case some times…
Well, I will voice some thoughts and opinions right now… because I feel for it even though some reactions might be undesirable. But well, you do as you do anyway.
I am really frustrated right now, or have been on and off for the past four months. It somehow feels like I’ve sometimes have lost something within to make it work or something. Sometimes, in times when I lack energy and food, this frustration makes me believe that I’ve somewhat lost my vision. But I know, unfortunately why I feel how I feel sometimes and unfortunately I can’t do anything about it. Like Death said, even if you take the whole universe apart you still won’t find anything that can be called just, merciful or fair because there is not such thing.
I’ve sensed, since some time right before PB said it, that the fact that the Apocalypse is closing have almost made your efforts and feeling in the characters drop. I can’t really put any finger on it other than that it “feels” like you’ve given up already. There is no FORCE behind your characters. Mostly just inhaling and doing your best with your breath. Nothing wrong with it, just a thought that might as well be false.
Well, if you really feel that it’s pointless or if it’s too hard to bring up any mood or feeling for the characters, please say so and I will get it over with quickly instead and move on ahead of schedule and just destroy the world instead. Or just plan out The Apocalypse in greater detail and then play it during a focused time and then just take a break and finish stuff before we continue on the next stage of my plan.
Right now it’s just a feeling that you all lack the spirit. This is mostly based upon how good you’ve been to suck out my will to play during the latest session since Fhelthorns appearance. Not that you could be blamed for this, but some sessions I’ve been all full of energy and somehow the lack of reaction and action just have kind of emptied me like a pierced balloon. But well, maybe it’s only me; maybe it’s a big tragedy. Maybe it’s really just me that has lost my visions. Well, well… the wheel of time turns…
Sometimes you need to be true to others before you even CAN find out the truth for yourself. Well, people are hard to deal with, so sometimes it’s better just not to deal with them. Oh damn… Robert’s birth ay is coming up… I hope I will be able to get my money in time or I will have to borrow. I won’t let him go without my promise this last year, even though he doesn’t care anymore heh…
Best Regards,
Herid Fel
well , ill just post MY thoughts about it..
No , I dont agree with much that you say , its probably just one of youre mood swings, and please elaborate FORCE.. cause I do try to play my character but I dunno what youre getting at…
For me , playing my new char has been abit of a challenge, I try to play it differently from my old chars(aggressive-style or whatever you wanna call it) and basically this first arc ive just been feeling my way forward and its pretty hard cause if you(the one and only) wants us to improve in certain ways , you really gotta start pointing things out earlier(msn , after a session , STOP or whatever)and not just in some long whine/complaints posts like part one of Else review.
And I was gonna bring up some of those things you posted there later since I dont agree to much there either.
And I think the problem lies in you , you basically never give any postive feedback and when you critize it feels more like whine since you dont elaborate , maybe youre never happy?
Oh yeah , what is roleplaying for you? for me its fun and thats the first goal , as long as its fun I will keep playing aslong as there is a game master out there that thinks its fun…
Oh and if it isnt clear by everything I wrote , NO.. I dont want to skip these chars.. since atleast for me , my char is a challenge for me to evolve and try something new while having fun rpging…
Oh well dunno if anything made much sense here , just felt like replying.. oh well we will go through most of these things in the single sessions I suspect
No. I don’t think you are right about that the approach of the apocalypse is significantly draining our efforts. I admit that it is a bit sad that we won’t be able to continue these characters for so long, but at least I accept it.
This is like your feelings that our group is falling apart. If you become fixed with it too much it will come true. We all have our ups and downs, we might currently be in a dip, but that is not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean that all of your misgivings will come true.
Well, even if we have been affected by the end of the fictional world it is not too late yet. We can still bring this about since we still enjoy it. Let us finish the second arc and see how it all ends. Every story needs an end, hopefully it will be a good one.
I do elaborate, when there is something worth elaborathing. With force I just mean the feeling behind the character, the pushing force of moving and trying to force your way forward. And like I said;
Heh, the ElSe review wasn’t meant to be a complaint when I started it. Although it became one when I started to take apart everything. These are things I’ve noticed and planned to point out to you and most of them I’ve already pointed out. But as I said earlier STOP is only for drastic situations. Not just because you don’t take up the space you could take up or because you restrict your characters actions just because you think it’s too influenced by yourself.
If I’m never happy? I doubt that very much but at the same time it might hold some truth. Most creators or artists never stops creating just because of the thing that they’re never really entierely happy with their creations. I don’t think I’m any different from them, but I strive for new things to satify my needs. Although it won’t be easy when it comes to a game such as RPG.
Heh, stimuli is RPG for me. A way for me to focus my inner thoughts and energy. I’ve always been full of fantasies and when I was little I lied all the time due to my vivid imagination and my dreams only made it worse… my imagination not my lies =).
To have fun is second because stimuli and the satisfication of my efforts and so on is something that will always be first when it comes to Nianze. Sure sometimes I just wish to have fun and to create something fun, but then I would not use something as alive as a world of my own. I’ve told you this before, several times actually, back when you crawled on tables.
It’s good that you still say that you want to play your characters. Even so, expressing things like that you’ve “almost already lost your goals” doesn’t stand in your favor. As you might imagine, saying things like that, which on some level must be true, will make people wondering if your goals for this character have changed.
Heh, your post seemed a little bit messy, but all in all it was easy to understand. Truth will take you a long way, and sometimes the only way to trigger a response is by really annoying people to react, as calling someone slave to see if he will sometime backword you and tell you to stop.
Sure, maybe you’re right, maybe you arn’t. Although it might as well be something completely different or just nothing at all.
Well, actually it’s not like my feeling of the group falling apart. Because the group falling apart is an observation that I can say is quite objective and it has already happened. The group is no more even though we aren’t dead we no longer can call ourself a group. We have lost one forever and the rest of us is struggling to get back in one way or another. What we are currently doing right now will determine if we will keep together in the future.
This feeling on the other hand is completely subjective and as I pointed out, might just be a result of my own lack of energy. But it’s something I’ve felt for a long time on and off and, once again, I pointed out that I know the cause of it all.
When I say something I don’t focus on it in the way that will make it true, I complain about it because others shall feel the urge to do something about it and thus creating a reaction. Denial is a good reaction, if it’s true. If you are true to your denials then it might be able to change this.
Oh god I hope not! If this was the case then I wouldn’t be here and none of you wouldn’t read this at all. No, things would have been much, much worse if all my misgivings would be true.
My misgivings are a combination of feelings inside, my emotional state, my observations, your actions and “paranoia”. They all hold some truth, but indeed they are just exaggerations, or warnings for myself before things go bad. They often make me aware of things before it’s too late… most of the time.
Well, this is kind of the point of everything I do. I myself must say that I’m kind of excited to actually finish this story… but I also feel a lot of pressure to make it not only right, but great! If I’m even capable to create a grand ending for my world or if it will need tuning afterwards to make everything better.
Well, I hope it will go well anyway.
well , sigh… I just lost my post I was writing.. , anyways It was about my goals.. I think I need to explain what I meant , since maybe I didnt elaborate very much the first time.
when you annouced that the apocalypse would be soon , I realized that the vision I had with this character in the beginning would not be realized , since the time ingame is too short , sure I might become a hunter , but I doubt a REAL one(since im even 2 years short of even being able to do that) and well according to you this concept is “epic” , but also there I doubt that I really will have much time to explore it since the short ingame time.. would I have known that you would shorten the time to the apocalypse even more I think I would have gone with being older , but oh well.. I guess its my own fault , anyways ill adapt..and still enjoy this char.. I see it , as I stated “a challenge”
And I wouldnt really agree that the group is falling apart..just because one left us forever , a person which basically never ever have had the time to play with us for various reasons. And foppa is back on track it seems , that makes us three players again.. and then if you look into the future we might have a good player from the northern wastes(jmk) with us.. but that depends what youre gonna do I suppose..
And yes , you have said before that stimuli is rpg for you , but in the post before this one , just basically said that it gives you nothing to play with us , and I would bascially try to improve anything if it would increase youre stimuli(oh damn this sounds so wrong) but abit of guidance would go along way , and sure you do that sometimes.
And its good to see that youre not content with what you have accomplished with Nianze , because there is alot to do still.. if you ever wanna come close to finish it atleast
Somehow, I find that your English is even worse than mine to read sometimes.
The last part of your post was really hard to understand and I’m not sure if I even got it right when there could be quite a few different things you meant with those words.
Actually I didn’t shorten the time before the apocalypse. It’s only how you interpeted what I said.
And the group IS falling apart if you are realistic. Yes, one have left us, but even so this group will not survive for five more years I am sure of that. We have been at the peak and now it’s just to do what we can for the future.
To begin with Ankan cannot be with us forever. This will be impossible for him if he’s going to make use of his abilities. He might be able to be with us for a long time still but when life is evolving time and energy will be needed to focus on other things as life will demand more and more from those who are a part of it. This is true for you and me as well. I won’t be able to live as I do for eternity and you will need to grow out of your shell as well.
No, the group is no more. It has already fallen apart and we are only the remenants of it trying to focus a new group and do something with it for the future. And I am still sceptical about this person from “jmk”. He hasn’t shown himself yet or made his plan known to me so until I can see him with my own eyes he’s not something I will count on.
My world will evolve as long as I still hold my imagination and lust for expressing my thoughts. In one way or another I will express it, with or without your help.
However, to say that the group isn’t falling apart is denial of the inevitable. This WILL change, and as long as you aren’t like-minded to me it will happen. And we all know that none of you are even remotely close to me even though we get along sometimes.