Truth – Part Three – Cause and Effect

When you use the truth, what happens? What would happen if you had lied or tried to mislead the situation instead? Is the effect of the truth always the best one or is there others better ways that you could take without the truth? Is the truth as good as some say that it is? Can you be a saint by not lying and can you be lying without being a sinner? This is a series about truth, my thoughts about it in general and it somehow holds a hint of things, as always, about whom I am. Everything I write will always be a hint about who I am when my writing is what I think one way or another and the effect of this will always haunt me even if I would lie. If that would have served my purpose should I lie instead of writing this?

We will never now either way anyway…

I somehow managed to skip into this last subject with the last post even though the last post was just as the first and this one will be, ramble of my thoughts embedded with hints about what I want to hint about. It is actually quite a risk I take with writing things like this, even though I mask it with words I think that this is an area in which I probably overestimate most people who read this. I have a hard time trying to think how it would be if I were on the other side of this text not thinking as I do and trying then to understand something I didn’t write. It’s not easy to do right and I doubt that I ever could achieve that level of comprehension. I am after all, only human.

So I’ll be blunt. I’ve been lying. Oh shit, Sherlock! Or like Frej did when I said that I never lie; laughing out loud (LoL or LOL if you like). I can’t think of anyone I haven’t lied to in my whole life. I have even lied to myself, several times. Most of the lies were before I established my way of thinking, in other words prior to thirteen years of age though I even would like to say sixteen until I had finish establish everything about my personality and then spent the next couple of years to refine it… which is a process life long.

What I’m saying though is that I’ve lied in the only way I consider my own lies to be lies. The only way in which my lie is a lie who shouldn’t been made. I’ve tried to lie to myself. This is actually a process over four, almost five years. In the beginning I didn’t even think of it as a self lie, I just thought of it as a random occurrence in my brain caused by my body’s changes. And in fact how can one even know what is true and what is not if you have things in your body that can alter one thought and feeling from one moment to the next into radical difference’s’? Well, back then it was something I could oversee because I couldn’t know about that then. But then the confusion came and as it came stability was infused later even though I still ignored it. That was the cause and this is the effect.

Years later I find myself, drastically altered from my previous self. I still am the same in the core but everything is different. I wouldn’t even be left in Luleå even less know people like I know today doing the stuff that I do today if it wasn’t for that. Or so I think it is. Denying the truth over this time has led me to this life with this setting. And now the effects are starting to take place and things are altering, again. This is what makes true truth so complicated and hard to actually use when you have such experience with using truth and falsehoods to do your bidding. You can see the cause and effect of things but you can’t change them in the directions you want them to.

Let’s speak some truths.

Role-Playing will stop sometime – yes this is true and we all know it though we rather want it to be later rather than sooner. A lot of things can change and RPG will always be affected by my life and by others life. If there isn’t time, energy, will and people to play nobody will play. Right now the truth I see is that we are loosing people, and for the moment it’s a slow pace to make things work as intended and time isn’t there in the extent we want it to be. People are working and other has their studies while the rest is not really willing to spend their energy on role-playing. This is what I see as truth and I do not believe this will hold as it seems like now. People will always be people and people don’t change just in a flip and you can’t point out things they can’t do anything about either. So my opinion in truth of RPG is that our group is dying and will be dead if nothing changes. And one day I won’t even want to try anymore when the energy it takes might be something I won’t be willing to sacrifice.

People are changing – yes this as well is true. Both people and our relationship to one another are changing and this will change our lives slowly but surely. This will affect everything around the relationships and all the people will change even more. This is the cause of nature and I think that I myself is changing and have been ever since just a couple of months before Japan and then even more drastically in Japan. I see enormous changes in my life and it feels like half my life is gone and non existent even though I do a lot more now than I did before. This in its turn makes other things to change as well which will change everything. People are growing up and becoming more and more aware of their surroundings and their futures. Whatever people actually want is not the part of the question is what you have to do for survival. We might not live in a country where you need to kill beasts or the like to stay alive, but the society is build up that you should work and do things like school. This force you sooner or later to change, and if one is changing this forces others as well to change.

Lies destroys – hehe, this is not something new to any of us… I hope. Ii it were then you are stupid and I will stand by that and if you need to I will say it straight to any face that believes that lies doesn’t destroy things. I am neglecting feelings, emotions and memories from inside which are lies. I am reluctant to do what I need to do to fully accept things in myself. Many people mostly take their life just because they can’t live with some stupid fact or something wile many others believe that by lying and ignoring it, it will go away. Doing nothing to a feeling might help the feeling to go away, but doing nothing about it at all and just plainly ignore it completely is a fucking self lie; the worst kind of lie. There is no excuse to let lies destroy you even though if you keep lying you will be protected but if you break the lie into truth you will lose your protection and become venerable. Which is preferred? To be true to yourself no matter the cost and most likely become stronger just because of it, or to lie to yourself and instead destroy yourself and make you suffer for eternity (as it is)?

No, for every lie, there is a truth in some way and for every truth there is a lie. When you use either of them millions of effects come into play making you force a move after another along the same path until you break it, if you are able to, and you will in the end be down in a pool of darkness that you can’t see anything from and you will not be happy which is the only thing that I could say is what makes life worth living. To be content and happy with yourself and your life. This is why everything must end some time. Understand the lie and you will know the truth, break the lie and the truth will tear you apart.

And as a final note, this document on truth and lies are six pages long, even though it’s mostly ramble I feel satisfied with the result. Though I do not believe anyone will even try to crack this nut. But well, in any case, I will be true to myself, as always. And this my beloved readers, will change everything in the end.

Best regards,
Herid Fel