It’s Raining Day

I’m going to write now before I lose this. Maybe I won’t loose it but anyway, it’s good to write when the thought is still in your mind. Today has been a good day, even though I was very tiered when I got up. I didn’t really know why but I couldn’t let me sleep any longer. I’m already sleeping way too much so no reason to slack and get used to sleeping. Sleeping is for idiots who has nothing to do and for depressed people. Which I’m not… at least what I know of… troubled maybe but not depressed and lately that’s been going away.

But the reason to why it’s been going away is because I’ve had time to think and process it and get back on track. Okay, life is a little emptier now than before but I can live with that for a while. It’s a good feeling that will produce something later, I’m sure of it. Just as long as I have in mind to never give up and always look forward. Those who dwell in the past will be stuck there and won’t be able to move forward. This is just a passing moment of a moment… enjoy it while you can.

Today have been mostly role-playing or talking about and preparing role-play. I’ve had David here in the morning and later Ducky came by to have his single session. This time it went really well, but that was mostly because my mood was good and in that way we triggered each other. I’ve been planning almost everything that’s left of his single sessions now and now it’s just to play it out and things will be over. However, I need to pay more attention to the personalities and the playing of the players I think… and just not let it pass. You all seem to have a bad habit to always go back to the usual if nobody reminds you.

Speaking of which, I do too, but I think I can change that. As long as I’m aware of it I can change it when the will is there. I also need to become more consequential and ruthless. I can’t let things slip just like that. But I know that when I’m not in a mood as good as this I won’t really have the energy to do something else, especially when I don’t have any support from my players. But well…

I’ve speculated a little story-wise too lately and I’ve drawn up some interesting stuff but it all depends on your responses and so on, which also brings me to the subject that I need to finish revising some stuff. I need to revise the second side of the Tables plus that I need to do my phase-changes. This won’t be much anyway but I have some ideas that I might need to implement to get some certain abilities to work in the right way.

It’s really nice when it’s raining, don’t you think? I really like the sound and the feeling when it’s dark outside and the rain is just falling making that wonderful sound and you feel the smell from the air that is pushed inside by the movement outside. Then you take a walk in this and feel how the drops land on you and bounce of… or to feel how they fall down on my hair and lay there for a moment before they find their way down to my skull. It has a nice sad feeling that is so nice sometimes.

Rain and days like this reminds me of so much from my past. All fighting I’ve done in rain, it’s a really wonderful feeling, even though it’s really not wonderful after the fight when you’re soaked, cold, hungry and all that. I remember all the times I’ve bicycled back from school when it’s been raining. How I’ve been hiding in the forest and it’s been raining… there is no end to all the memories. I even remember lots of memories when I’ve been outside playing in the rain all the way back to the days of day care and elementary school.

I also remember that special feeling you sometimes get when you play the computer or TV-games all day with your window at your side always having the noise from the rain or the smell in the air. It was like, extra nice to be inside and play those days or just read a good book or take the opportunity to reread all your Dragonball pockets. It’s in days like this one I really wished I was as old as Robert again so I really could re-experience some of these special moments and try to really take in all the smells and think, this is me and this is my world… how wonderful it is to be alive!

Best regards,
Herid Fel