Emotional Truth

Well, what can I say? Some things just make me emotional, like movies that are really beautiful and whose message is really touching that makes me think of some certain things. Or rather makes me remember things that I have tried to ignore and push away…

I really shouldn’t watch movies like this. They stimulate me in both a negative as well as a positive way. The thing is that the negative somewhat outweighs the positive depending on how you look at things. Running away from emotional truths are bad according to my own philosophy but if you are trying to go on with your life and this truth hinders and suggest that you do things that you most likely would regret, well, then it’s bad.

I don’t really know how things may turn out if I did this or that, but what I know is that nothing is solved by just going on pure emotions. Emotions are irrational and somewhat illogical too. They are hard to control and self-control is mostly about being able to control your emotions to a limited degree so you don’t act on them. Without self-control things would be really bad.

Even though, different kind of moods makes you think in different kind of ways. This is very bothersome considering that one thing may change from one mood to the next. This is also one great reason for to not get pregnant when the mood swings connected with pregnancy are dangerous, lucky I’m not a woman then. Even so, if one thought feels right in one moment and your feelings suddenly change and makes another thought feel right and the first one feel wrong, than which one is right and which is wrong¹.

Then the only thing that should guide you is your emotions. Both things may have the outcome you want right now, but later you don’t want that outcome. So what do you do? Refrain from choosing thus not choosing any and also repressing your own will and lust to nothing THUS not living your life to the fullest.

But let’s make an “easier” situation. Say that you have a couple of choices on how you can do things that can be divided into three major groups as above. The first group will lead to changes that may be bad for you, but also good for yourself. The second group is neutral, you will try to not make a choice at all and also trying to minimize the effect on yourself by trying to repress everything about it, maybe forget about it? The third and last group is you chose to flee from it, or remove it in some way. So the choices are like; exposure (weakness), neutral (hmm… ignorant?) and neglecting (stupid).

So which one would you chose? Yeah, that greatly depends on what but all choices you make are like that. Do I want to see this movie? Yes, but it will take time from me and it may suck. Well let’s see it then! Hmm, I don’t know. I let it be there and hope that someday someone else will make the choice for me. Or; No! I won’t watch this movie. This movie is bad, it doesn’t exist, I don’t care if the whole world thinks of it as good and that I actually don’t know squat about it I will just not watch it because.

Well, as I stated earlier there are a lots of choices that can be divided into these categories and even though it may not be the entire truth (because I believe this and I’m not god) it’s still something that makes sense in some sort of way. You can take up an contra, pro or non position in almost any case where there is a question. Yes, no or … for an example. Or maybe or something else that don’t express anything at all.

So well, what do I actually think right now then? Well, when I get like this… I think I realize an emotional truth that I actually always have realized. It’s only that I cannot be certain that I always think that this is like this. Heh… I mean there are times when I doubt myself, everybody has that feeling. But almost all the time I know that this I want and this is me etcetera. And this is only something I try to deny or push away in a very neutral negative way in hope that it will go away or solve itself. Like anything in life does that? PHA!

Anyhow assuming this is right and this is something that I will and should act on I should do what I think is right, right now even though I’m not sure yet. But what I mean is rather that I should continue to think from this standpoint and develop my actions from here. Even though this might not be the same standpoint I will have in a few hours or days or so.

To act on your inner feelings will give you conclusion and gratification and also it might bring sadness or grief. In any case it will push things forward even though they might be uncomfortable. Just denying isn’t the answer to anything. The only thing is when I’ve done things like this something have drastically changes each time. Some times for the worse but often for the better. But in the end I think that it have been good anyway. Regretting is nothing I can allow myself because dissatisfaction of your own life is denying its worth.

I just got to say this, just now, my screensaver went on and a cute picture of Robert wrestling with Rasmus on my carpet at my old place on Björx just went up. Hehe, they really have grown in the past one and a half years. Robert was about twelve to twenty centimetres shorter and Rasmus still had his boyish face. Hehe, unlike from now when Rasmus is in late puberty and Robert is in his early ones. Hehe, funny memories, I really miss those times…

Well, whatever I might decide tomorrow let this be something you all can try to learn from or at least think of and apply to your own sense. Maybe you’ll understand me better or maybe you’ll understand something about yourself better, either way… Marry Christmas!

Best regards,
Herid Fel

1. Considering that both thoughts are of equal logical worth, for example a minor choice between flavours on a bubblegum ↩