A Short Summary of Today
Well, today has been a calm and peaceful day to say the least. But that’s actually pretty nice to have one of those days. Even though the Jayde-matter still is unresolved no role-playing was made today. I had some time during the day to play but we skipped it. Well, I guess the unenviable will be postponed to later this week. But it doesn’t matter anyway role-playing is coming down a notch, a big one too.
Well, it’s several factors that play a big part in this. For starters PB will start working soon and therefore long-sessions won’t be as many. To continue, most likely Jayde will die and that will split up the group indefinitely which also will lead to three split groups that need planning and working on. And it also seems like the kids have taken a pause, or even stopped playing. Of course I speak for myself in general, how many hours I will spend with RPG, so taking it down may not directly affect you but it affects how busy I’ll be.
So depending on the outcome of the Jayde-incident things will probably go down drastically in a near future. I myself do not believe that Jayde can survive this. PB is both too thick-headed to sufficiently play Jayde to get out of this situation and the situation is too severe if not something really smart and drastic is to be done… which I say it won’t knowing PB. I personally don’t want the kids to stop playing, it’s one of my only ways to do something fun with Robert nowadays but if they do, they do. And the kids are more like recharging than wasting energy. With much less energy that stimulates me RPG will suffer when I need even more energy to keep up three groups, especially if one is going cry-baby.
Well, enough about RPG, I will manage without… I actually have many other things that I’ve neglected that need to be done. Not to mention if I want to mend some of my social links or not. Some of my social connections are starting to rot or just be, but lately I’ve thinking about either tidy them up or let them be. However, things are as they are, but they can’t be like this… at least not economically. I also need to muster up enough energy to finally end the last chapter of the Prehistoric Ages. Lots of important information is in that chapter, the essential key-pieces to the Apocalyptic Ages that you all play!1
I need to sell some things too and help to clean up my parent’s house. It’s a real shame that they are going to sell it… I don’t want a house but it sure felt nice to be able to come back to that house and remember everything I’ve been through there. It may not be possible to travel back and relive your past but having something to relate to the past at least makes it feel like it sometimes. And maybe I should actually trying to get a job… the only thing is that I don’t want a job. Only money… a job is boring and takes a lot of time…
I swung by Forsbergs today for the first time in ages… Well, I just was on my way home from Porsön and thought that what the hell. Well, it was good to see the brothers even though I really felt boredom and dullness all over the house. But well, I guess they like it that way, and as usual the place was messy… mostly in the basement and the kitchen. But well… I know how hard it is to try to keep it orderly if you have three nonchalant kids that’s been raised in that mess and therefore gotten used to it and instead of cleaning up they just support the mess…
Haha, a little bit of exaggeration. Well, I’ve been sleeping very irregularly lately, which is bad for my training. But well, my body is a mess as always, I couldn’t care less. I’m starting to get tired of it in general so why complain about it. When it gets too hard to keep track on it or if it seems like it’s useless I’ll just kill myself so I don’t have to bother, haha.
Commitment? Relationship? Bonding? Obligations? According to some recent stuff I’ve read that’s childish immature things. Well, maybe it is because if you want to do what you are supposed to do, you need to be able to commit yourself to the task and be able to do what you need to do and not neglecting them. This isn’t the stone ages… still I won’t buy it. Maybe it’s like that but I won’t be like that for another rest of my life. I’ve been in a few relationships and none of them turned out good in the end. The best relationship I’ve had was with Matilda2 and that one I lost interest in when our level of maturity was greatly different. And now I just stated that I’m not mature at all…
I just want to do whatever I want, in my way forever. If people question it, I won’t care unless I care about what they think… which I don’t about most people. The only thing I want opinions on and want to know what people think is most likely Nianze… and that’s mainly because it’s a game meant for others. If I just were to try to create a fantasy world for myself I would just write a book about it and not complicate stupid things with fucking rules.
So well, to return to the subject, I most likely won’t be able to have a mutual relationship with anyone again. This is an assumption that might turn out very wrong because of the unpredictable life we live. But right now it’s that way I feel. For me to be able to commit myself to anything or anyone I need to feel that I trust it/him/her and that I’m interested in it/him/her and have any use of doing what I’m doing with it/him/her. Just sharing a fragment of thought with someone won’t be the essential thing or even just share a part of my life. It most be something larger and have more meaning to it, a deeper meaning and understanding in which will lead in the same direction. Right now I doubt that anything can synchronize to that.
It seems that once again my short note of a day… became a longer note of the day. Well, once again… what can I say? I’m me and hopefully I’ll stay that way even if I change.
Best regards,
Herid Fel
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