The Truth of Yesterday

Yeah, time sometimes catch up on oneself. The truth sometimes is there all the time even though you forgot about it or simply have escaped it. But sooner or later the truth will catch up and make itself known. This is the inevitable, one knows this but still one gets very confused and asks oneself why this is happening even though you knew this would happen years ago. The truth of yesterday may then be the fact of tomorrow or even today.

Once, when I grew up things seemed very hard. Life was tough, rough and bumpy. Things never were calm or easy. Things were complicated and not even once did they get any easier. Sometimes I thought they did, but then the truth I already knew caught me again. Fiction and reality isn’t the same thing, but if you have a hard time in reality you tend to escape to the fiction. The fiction then becomes surrealistically real, this may sound strange but that is the truth.

Even so, you struggle. In the beginning you do it just because of instinct and you learn to cope with things and manage all your way. Things around you decompose and break down in your struggle but still you go, until you finally are able to realize that you don’t know why you struggle or what you are struggling for. This is when you start to struggle against the very thing that keeps you going that for this long has been your rope, your life-line.

This is self-destruction and bad for you, but you don’t realize, even though it actually strengthen you as a person and a individual. But in the end this will destroy something, something that you use for everything even though you don’t realize it until much later. You survive the havoc of your first life and then you forget forget everything about the past.

This is not true actually, the memory of your formal life haunts you in the beginning and give you motivation and strength to continue and to grow. You use this as your weapon, a weapon to destroy and defeat every obstacle that comes in your way. You remember the weapon but not its origin. You sometimes get reminded of it, but still you ignore it. You ignore it and then you stop using it as you form a new weapon based on your new life.

Then the crack in your old weapon gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. You don’t notice, and even if you saw it you think that was bound to happen anyway. You don’t need it anymore. You’ve forged your new weapon and you don’t need your old one. Even so, you forget that the memories forged with this weapon are your true origin. This is something that goes by you completely. Then it starts to break for real, this is like an alarm-clock.

You can’t do anything about it, but as it breaks you remember, remember what you’ve lost and what actually is in that weapon. What actually was forged those years you wielded it. It’s not a weapon, it’s not a armour, it’s your origin. And you start to remember and realize what you are about to witness, something that actually you couldn’t stop. Not now, not ever. This was bound to happen the day you and your weapon started your journey.

And then you realize that this weapon actually is older than you. It’s been through a lot before it started to protect you, to help you in your meaningless struggle. And now you hear the screams. The screams of sorrow that comes from the cracks of your weapon. This makes your soul weep and you can’t do other than to watch and hope that most of the weapon will survive.

This weapon was forged for you, this weapon is your reason that you are in this world as you are today. Without it you wouldn’t have been where you are. All those battles you won you would have lost, but this weapon have saved you countless of times even though it also is the reason for your anger, your struggle to survive and to YOU. But as you realize that it will break, as a broken toy that the kid have used for the last time, you become filled with sadness…

Let’s cherish the time, let’s cherish the memories, let’s all pray for the future even though we don’t have a god. Let’s just feel the sorrow for this moment and celebrate the age of dawn.

Best regards,
Herid Fel