The Diary of a House Pet

I was in DC looking for Music Videos when one of the users posted this. It was very funny I thought so I decided to share it with you all. Hehe…

From the Dog’s Daily Diary:
8:00 am: Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am: A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am: A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm: Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From the Cat’s Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash
or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream
of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. The
audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. The captives have arranged protective custody
for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe… for now…

Best regards,
Herid Fel