Ego Brain
I think that many expected me to write about Robert yesterday. And well, the thought occurred to me, but well. I didn’t feel like writing anything yesterday. It felt like it was no meaning to it really. Not that this matters anything either. For those who know me, that will be me and no one else, you can read my real thoughts from simple posts like these. Determine what mood I’m in and what I’m really thinking. So I guess that this blog serves the best purpose for me, who am the only one who actually cares about me.
Heh, don’t get me wrong fellas, sure some of you think you care and feel like you think you care. But I don’t use words like care lightly. Not when I mean it, at least.
I’m a master of exaggerations1, and I use them all the time. But that’s just because I know it don’t matter if I use words in the way they’re supposed to be used. People won’t try to understand, you have other things to think about.
Sometimes I get tired on this game I seem to be playing with others. I mean, no one is able to break it because no one is trying. I missed the times when I were surrounded with players of this social hide and seek game. The game that is played just to give away bits and pieces of one to others while you try discover them. It’s not as much fun when you can do half of the job with no efforts and they don’t even get it when you almost throw it in their faces.
My goals are changing. Yeah, they certainly are…
Some of my previous goals that I thought of abandoned have been taken up again but only to be altered. Not that I will succeed with any of my goals anyway. But a life without purpose isn’t a life at all. Risks, purpose and feelings is the essence of my life at least. Risks give one thrills, purpose give one meaning and feelings give one both the previous stated along with confusion and despair. Everything is good, if you can handle them.
Things I haven’t done on this blog;
Written the NN about the Grandeur.
Written an “If” or “What-if”-post.
Updated my profile.
I don’t know if I will write any of the above stated subjects, but maybe sometime, when I’ve got strength and will to do so…
I applied for a job today, a work-from-home kind of job. I’m not really certain what I shall do yet on this, but I will get more info later today they said and if everything checks out I can begin this work by the end of the week. But there is one catch thou. I need to pay a sum first. I know that this sounds really, really weird. But I’ve checked upon this company and the people involved in it a bit more than last time, hehe.
However, today I’m completely free. I don’t have any obligations or things I need to do, except for eating and such things. But well, I haven’t eaten properly until now, so I’m not in the best of my moods. And still, some things from yesterday is bothering me. But well, what’s to do about it anyway?
Some of my friends think that I need to go back into a relationship and that I need to share more with those around me. Lower my demands. As if any of those things are possible. I don’t believe in a new relationship. I mean, I’m not a good guy for relationships. I’m egocentric and fool headed, not to mention stubborn and very insensitive, most of the time. And one of my requirements for a relationship is that I love the person in question. I cannot grow love as so many do, start a relationship built on just the same principles and the fact that I get along with someone. That’s not me. I need to love the person in question, and need to love him/her deep. As for being able to share with people around me, I think it’s completely unnecessary to share things if the ones I share it with are not interested or able to understand what I’m saying. It’s a complete waste of time and energy. I’m alone and “the power of one2” is always accurate. So I think I’ll be the One, in lack of people to increase this.
Sooner or later things will go wrong here, and I’ll need to go on. Move along the line to the next stop in life. So no need to worry, this will end, one way or the other so I don’t need to miss it yet. Haha, life is just a road trip with no return, and we have no choice but to go forward. As long as you can cherish the memories that’s left behind. I’ll protect and love those I care about, but when the end comes, the end comes and then I’ll have to be able to let them go so I can move on as well as they.
Well, nothing much other than this, nutcrackers…
Best regards,
Herid Fel
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