Emotional Breakthrough

I don’t really know if my past experiments plus the fever have made me more open to emotion than I thought, but it sure seems so right now.

A couple of weeks ago I realized that just some of my sad meditation thoughts, thoughts that I use to try to bring forth some strong emotions, had made me more open to feel the feelings I tried to bring forth with them. The feelings are anger, irritation, love, sorrow, grief and emotional pain of a deeper kind.

Now, not so long ago, I have discovered that these feelings are more in the open than I thought, and they have even brought me more empathy of some sort. While watching movies I get more easily touched and can easier relate and connect with the movie, even thou I normally would consider it slow or boring. But that was before I succeeded with the meditation.

The last three years I’ve spent a lot of time searching for emotions, and trying to bring forth more emotions. I’ve also tried to put some more weight on emotions and psychological development in role-play too, but found it to be very, very difficult.

Now I wonder, is this a good thing or a bad thing?
This affects not only my moods, but also my temperament and motivation. I almost feel like a girl if we talk emotions. I mean, I put a lot more weight in purpose and emotions than any regular guy does. Who is almost always thinking with his smallest body part or just with the easiest impulses of the body.

Well, some seems to have great problems with emotions, or the lack of them, so they get depressed. Others seem to try to ignore their emotions, locking them up just to be safe from them, and in that way stand clueless for a while, hoping there will be something left to live for and I’m here full of an emotion… which actually makes me more alive than ever. Emotions is life, life is emotion.

Emotion will always be valuable to me and next to memories this is the most precious thing one can have.
Without emotion I would loose motivation and reason and trying to live with only common sense and logic.
And without memories I would never make any progress, never evolve as a person and never improve. I would never know anything, and newer understand myself or my surroundings.

In other words…if you work like me, which I strongly doubt many do, the key to happiness is holding tight to your memories and let your emotions roam free…

This is Herid Fel and this is my word to you.

Good Night.