Tuesday 17/7

My mood is… constantly shifting.
One moment its creative the split second later it’s irritated and annoyed, then jump to some kind of half-angry and then become… I dunno really…

Feelings are whirling around inside and I don’t really know what to do with some of them. It’s not like I don’t like them it’s just that the reasons for it and all the choices that need to be made is almost to much at the moment, not to mention that I’m once again short on money and food. It don’t take long to starve me, my metabolism is burning up a lot more energy than it should do for someone that is so physically inactive like me.

And I need to start letting things go I think. I have been getting used not to need to care about some decisions for a while now but now all the hard decisions that may hurt me or others need to be done. I can’t really just let this continue, or the damage will become much more severe.

I would define my mental behavior for the last week as… running. Like a coward hiding from all his mental strength and weaknesses like they were monsters. I know what I want, and I know what to do if it should be able. This means letting some things go and release other things to make it easier. My life has always been easy, and I’ve always done choices that may in the beginning been troublesome but in the end been quite easy and rewarding.

Hehe, this actually doesn’t say much at all for any of you. Nobody that doesn’t live my life can actually know exactly what I’m talking about. I mean, I’m a quite secretive person. Don’t sharing stuff I want until I decide that I don’t have any more to benefit from not sharing it. This is who I am and will always be, hopefully.

This week I’ve heard a request for me to write more on this blog, which gave me a little more motivation to write, because I know that someone is reading, even if it’s just because they are bored. So well, that will have to do for now… Hopefully someone will comment sometime, other than Robert just because he’s bored too, hehe.

That’s something I think I won’t ever understand. How everyone can be so bored all the time, just because they don’t have something decided or something before them. Many just lay down and sleep or kill time with a meaningless game they say they don’t even like just to kill time…

Well, I can understand if they like it, a little bit at least, but for those who says it’s just to kill time I think it’s just an excuse for not trying. But well, that’s just me and I could be wrong… maybe it’s a big tragedy.

Tomorrow I’ll go to my grandma, she have requested that I came to them so I’ll go to make the old people happy for once, and to fill up my jam reserves. Hehe, and there’s free food!

Well, now I’ll watch something.
Best regards,
Herid Fel