Dreams, Meditation and Thoughts

Well, lately my uncontrolled dreams have popped up as bubbles in a boiling pot. The past few days I’ve had most of the uncontrolled dreams in-between other lucid dreams and often just when I fall asleep and just before I wake up. Some of them are just frustrating, because of their illogical nature while others are very lucid but I’ve no idea that I’m dreaming.

But one thing I’ve noticed thou are that almost every one of these has with the same thing to do; trust, suspicion and my current way of life falling apart. Often the set is realistic, and just with some elements that are wrong or weird and by the time I notice it I gain control over the dream and it fades away. The second thing I’ve noticed that are the same in these dreams are also that the same persons are appearing in almost the same roles every time. I won’t go in to deep on the theme due to the simple thing of trust. I don’t trust everyone reading this and the contents of these dreams are very, very personal and only those I trust deeply enough to understand this will I be able to share my experiences with. These are very few, and those I want to share it with, won’t or can’t comprehend it and most likely won’t even ask about them, hoho.

This weekend I’ve started meditating too, when all the physical training in the P.E program started I felt like I needed to strengthen myself mentally as well, so I’ve started on focus meditation, to heighten my concentration and performance during some tasks. It works, a little, but it gives me a headache after a while. But well, I just ignore the headache… internal pain doesn’t exist if there isn’t any evidence that it actually exists. In other words, I don’t believe in headaches that I can’t relate to anything I can feel very strongly.

Thoughts… well, my thoughts have started spinning around and around different subjects lately too. I think I’ll soon need a big change in my lifestyle if things are going to work out for me. Right now some things I feel and do are hurting me mentally as well as physically. The physical isn’t much of a deal but the mental pain I’m exposing myself too need to be dealt with one way or an other.

Bu the way, I’ve written a long post after this that is password protected. Most likely none of those who read this site is authorized to read what’s in it just yet. I know a very selective few that are… but well… It’s nothing interesting written in it anyway…

Best regards,
Herid Fel